I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
