why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
