No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
