It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
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