I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
My pussy is not your playground.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
