I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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