How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
