I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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