everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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