Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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