you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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