my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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