i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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