dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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