What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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