my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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