well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
