So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
