She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
