I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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