if i can run in heels then i can drive
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
