If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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