did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
