WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
