Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
