whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
