Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
