remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
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