I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
