You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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