your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
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