I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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