Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
