making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
