I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm at about main and main street
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
