Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
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