im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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