There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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