somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
