I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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