I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
