in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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