yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
