i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
