Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
