some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
