I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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