we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
