I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
