you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
