All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
